i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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