What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize