Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Randomize
