Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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