Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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