she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
