loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
