hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
