she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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