Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.

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(210): View more from Texas

just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"

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(714): View more from California

And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy

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