If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
