the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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