They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
