Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
