Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
