im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
