Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and she was petting her beer can
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize