You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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