Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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