No stitches, just platelets and will power
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
