That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
