you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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