There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
