just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
