we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
