He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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