Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
