Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
