were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
