You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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