Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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