I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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