There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize