you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
