I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
