He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
