now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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