someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
