thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
