i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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