no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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