Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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