We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
