Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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