Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
