I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
