also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
