yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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