Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
