He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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