The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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