a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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