I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
