my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
