you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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