where am i from again
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
