Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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